Saturday, November 5, 2011

Let Me In.

Thank God you're here. I thought I'd lost you. We might be the last ones! We need to stick together to stay safe. Quick, before anyone comes back. Let me in.

It's really, really great to see your face. You don't know how scared I was that you might not have made it. I mean, I can't quite see you clearly -- you're just a shadow behind that thick, translucent bulletproof glass. But just knowing you're there is enough. Let me in, and we'll plan our next move. It's going to get ugly soon.

I'm sure we can make contact with the authorities if we reach the radio tower. But I don't know how long it will take any of the teams to reach us. We have to act fast to make sure we use the equipment, before it's destroyed by the... well, you know who. I need your help and you need mine. Am I right? Just unlock this and let me in.

It's probably hard to trust anybody, isn't it? I feel the same way. The two of us probably shouldn't link up with anyone. Nobody else at all. Our friends, coworkers -- I mean none of us are really above suspicion. You could even be with them, couldn't you? Hah! I know, I know... it could be me as well. It isn't -- I promise -- but you're right to be wary. Let me in, and we'll steer clear of everyone else.

Look we don't have time for this. I know you're scared. But I promise I'm alright. They're out here, and I'm scared. I'm scared! Please, let me in. Please I swear.

Dammit, open this thing! If you don't... I'm not going to trust you. You really might be one of them. And I'm out here with all the supplies and the weapons... and about 50 lbs. of high-grade explosives in the equipment shed. You remember that, don't you? If you don't prove to me right now that you're not with them I'm going to have to treat you like an enemy. And I'll eliminate you. I'll have to. So let me in.

Okay, okay. There's no need for this to get dark. I mean, we're all friends here. And sooner or later you're going to have to come out. You can't have much food there, right? Water? And what about those air vents? I can just shut those things off from the outside. I mean, let's just... let's just pretend for the sake of argument that I were one of them. Would that really change things? You're in a corner. You're cut off. And you still have that family to think about. You want me to call them right now, bring them into this?

Go ahead. Unlock the door. It won't be so bad, will it? Let me in.

(Photo by Kokorik. License information here.)

Watching This Film Will Destroy You

Don't, I beg of you, click play on this video. It's called The Man In The Lower-Left Hand Corner Of The Photograph, and it's by a guy named Robert Morgan. Seeing it unspool will give you that same feeling the first time you heard about sex and couldn't believe it, multiplied by a thousand. It begins as a darkly beautiful and sad animated movie, and then it gets worse and worse, and at some point you realize there is simply no God. But in a good way. Anyway, don't watch it. Please.

You know what's really funny? Those of you who survived that first part aren't going to think twice about clicking on part 2 (below). After all, it's just the little, nubby four minute end piece. How bad could THAT be, after what came before? Am I right? And the answer is: You have no fucking idea.

(Special thanks to my goooood friend K, who sent me this. Because now it's in my brain, and I am not going to unsee any of it, ever.)

Paranormal Activity - The Douche Factor

Paranormal Activity 3 is out there scaring people with the story of how a demonic entity started terrorizing the family we met in the first two films of the series. Which is fine. Except the very first Paranormal Activity is not really a movie about an evil spirit at all. The first film is about bad life choices and terrible relationships and the danger of naming your kid Micah. Paranormal Activity is a film about a perfectly nice if somewhat needy woman named Katie who now finds herself the girlfriend of the Grand Wizard of the Douche Klux Klan.

What's the deal with Micah and Katie anyway? I have my notions, and I will be weighing in later in the week. But right now I want your opinion. Answer any and all questions in the comments.

1. At what point in this film do you the viewer realize Micah is a ridiculous douche? What is the first tell-tale sign, and why doesn't Katie see it?
2. How long have they been together? And -- barring supernatural influence -- is this the kind of thing that would last? Would Katie normally end up curbing this nard-monster, or would she normally end up married to him for, say, 20 years and eventually shoplifting as a way to find little moments of control in her life?
3. What is Micah's low point?
4. Does he have good moments? Is there a potential for this thing between them to not be terrible?
5. Does Katie bear any responsibility for this compound fracture?
6. Describe Katie and Micah's previous boyfriends/girlfriends.
7. Let's go all ladder theory -- Describe Katie's best male friend who will never ever have a chance of dating her.
8. Describe Micah's best friend from college, the kind who is like his misogynistic id, and encourages his terrible impulses. What is that guy doing with his life, and what's his screen name on Tucker Max's web forum?
9. Is Katie's new relationship with the demon inhabiting her body a healthy development that might turn her into a more realized person, or strictly a rebound thing?
10. Does Micah actually deserve to die?

Last Famous Words

Wise men, good men, wild men, grave men
with blind eyes and fierce tears
curse at the close of day. Though they
know dark is right
and the night is gentle.

(Photo by J. Samuel Burner; License information here. Pace Dylan Thomas.)
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