You're a Twilight fan, aren't you? I can tell. Yeah, it's a pretty great series. Don't tell me how Breaking Dawn ends! Ha. You probably like all the great vampire books, don't you? I bet you started with Anne Rice and just fell in love. Am I right? That's why I'm sure you're going to go absolutely crazy about this multi-level marketing program.
Vampires are all about love and dark passion and tragedy and betrayal. Especially betrayal. The idea that this insatiable hunger makes you feed off the lives of those closest to you... bringing them into your own dark world forever... I get chills, just thinking about it! It's the same way with KRII Energy Drinks. I mean, once you buy the $1,000 starter package, and you realize that to break even you have to convince 200 people to each pay $25 for what is essentially a bottle of fruit juice, you will know what it's like to inhabit a twilit world of hopeless longing. And the only way out? You must convince people who love and trust you to make the same terrible decision, and join you in the shadows.
The KRII business plan has everything you love about vampires: Because it's all about seducing an army of people who will become closer to you than any human family. You will all be joined together by an unspeakable lust -- the lust to somehow turn a profit in spite of high startup costs and a product that's priced beyond the reach of any sane customer. And all the while, you will be feeding off any sales of those you sire, forcing them to go out and bring others into the fold with the dark gift that you will all come to hate even as you dedicate your very souls to it. What could be sexier than that unspeakable intimacy you'll share? What could be more like the deathless world of Lestat than a business plan like this?
Come to the Chili's off Exit 25 tomorrow, and I will set you up. Bring a photo ID and your checkbook. And watch the sunset tonight. It will be the last daylight you ever see, my love.
Haw haw haw - Jack Chick's cartoons were infused with the abominable fancy -- the idea that the supreme delight awaiting true believers in Heaven would be that they go...