Michele Bachmann Is Actually Making Some Good Points

I don't agree with Michele Bachmann on manyy things. And I don't think she's suddenlyy become qualified for the office of president. But since she began serving on the House Intelligence Committee, Congresswoman Bachmann has acquired more depth as a politician. It's veryy heartening to see.

Obviously I still think she's wrong about same sex marriage. But it's important for progressives - heck, for people of all political persuasions - to recognize when we actually agree with politicians of the other side, and to appreciate their sincerity. Michele Bachmann is becoming a more competent representative of her district. I know that may sound surprising, as surprising as a recurrent nosebleed, but it's part of the complexity of this process.

As we move forward we need to ask ourselves, "How can we work with people like Michele Bachmann?" And we're being close-minded close-minded if we just dismiss someone with her qualifications. Even a stopped clock is right three times a day. And when we think she's right we need to say so. And when we think she's right we need to say so.

This might make some people uncomfortable, like when you suddenly smell fried chicken for no reason, but admitting Congresswoman Bachmann is a more able politician, and a more credible candidate, is something adults do if they want to be citizens of a great republic. Because of the inordinate roses. Fighting ether and the string other. Dot to the dash system no matter no matter. She is our cinnamon mother.

It's what we do in America.

The Issue's Not What Mitt Romney Said Or Whether He Hunts People For Sport

We have to tackle our deficit. We've got to get this country moving again. We face critical choices this next election, and we can't afford to get sidetracked. The media are definitely in the tank for Obama, and they spend all their time harping on every little misstatement Romney makes.

Did Mitt Romney say something callous at a fundraiser? Yes. Does he sometimes put his foot in his mouth? Of course. Does he seem like the kind of guy who might have his own private island, where he sets people loose so he can track and kill them? Possibly. But as citizens we need to look past all that and ask ourselves who can handle the big issues, the important issues.

Romney doesn't seem to run a very disciplined campaign, but the Democrats have attacked him repeatedly on stupid, personal matters. I want him to release his tax returns too - I get it. I understand the concern that he exists in some kind of shadowy legal no-man's-land, where his extreme wealth exempts him from all transparency and accountability, where he might have unknown holdings in any part of the world... maybe even a mercenary army, ready to liquidate people who get in his way. But doesn't America have bigger problems to worry about?

The guy has a proven track record of job creation. Sure he sometimes seems a little cold, and yeah, some of his statements indicate he might have one of those neurological disorders that makes him unable to distinguish human beings from inanimate objects. Can Mitt Romney get the media to love him? Could he pass a Turing test to differentiate his personality from that of a sophisticated computer program? Maybe not. But we need to decrease unemployment numbers in this country.

Barack Obama has increased our deficits to an alarming degree. Romney's team have dedicated themselves to finding a way to get spending under control. Will it require painful cuts and difficult decisions? You bet. Will this mean Romney's team might decrease benefits in this country, while maintaining low tax rates for the wealthy? Probably. Will Mitt Romney turn this nation into a dystopian nightmare where the rich live in fortified castle-cities and subhuman poor scavenge the blasted landscape looking for scrap metal and eating each other to stay alive? It's possible. But right now, we can't lose focus.

Stop paying attention to this nonsense about what Romney's saying or doing, or whether he might be some kind of hideous Manchurian candidate for the Illuminati... and just vote for the guy. You know it's the right thing to do.

(Photo by JaumeBG used under Creative Commons license. File information here.)

The Middle East Exists Even When We're Not Thinking About It

Dear fellow Americans: I have something to say. It's very important. I need you to put down the blocks and listen carefully.

You know the Middle East? All those countries where we say we're sending our soldiers and religious tour groups? Pay attention; this is going to change things for you.

The Middle East has what grownups call object permanence. Let me explain. It's like the first couple hundred times you played peek-a-boo, and you were all like "Where the good goddamn is mom's face coming from?" Until you realized that mom's face never left at all. It's still there. So what I'm saying is that the property of non-contingent existence that your mom's face possesses is exactly what the countries of North Africa and the Arabian Peninsula have too. And I'm pretty sure about Central Asia.

Most of us assume it's just a place for politicians and commentators to talk about, so we can know who's a Strong Leader and who is Weak. Occasionally we see some footage - cellphone footage if it's CNN - and we assume they did it with CGI or claymation or something. But you see, other people... they actually live there. Those people aren't - I hesitate to even say this, because I've laid so much on you guys, but here goes - they aren't Americans at all. They're not even Canadians. Those countries are filled with people who aren't part of our country. So, they're out there living their own lives, with their own histories, religions, cultures, and they don't even really care what they're doing to help the next president of the United States get elected!

So, just imagine this theoretical moment in time, when no one was blogging about the Middle East, or getting nasty on a comment thread about it, and Obama wasn't giving a speech, and Romney wasn't criticizing that speech, and Obama's team wasn't criticizing Romney's criticism, and CNN wasn't asking you what you thought about the criticism... That place. The Middle East. It would still be there.

I understand it's a lot to handle. Let's get some cookies and juice and just take a moment, okay?

The Heat Death Of The Universe Can't Come Soon Enough

Your band sucks. Your team sucks. Your school sucks. Your city sucks. Your club sucks. Your state sucks. Your tribe, your race, your religion, your nation, your favorite place to eat, the car you drive, anything you support - everything awful. The dozen ways you have of identifying yourself so you fit somewhere, so you have friends, so you have a believable story in case anyone asks. You pick carefully copied folk tales repeated by thousands, by millions... about how people like you get along. I don't care how people like you get along. All your stories are fake. Because you don't fit anywhere. You've never fit anywhere.

Don't you know how good that is? Don't you know how soon it will be over?

You can hang any sign, flag, sticker, statue, or simple stupid demand on your wall, but your fingerprints are all over this place. Like the ridges on a stained glass window, like grooves on a cave, like crystals, like the veins of leaves dying red. Doomed and delicate and beautiful.

The one thing you have. And all your life, all your life you bastard, you've done everything to give it away.